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Most of us can’t decide what we think of the Easter holidays – it seems every bonus comes with its own cost. The camping trip is booked, but will begin with standstill traffic on the Bruce Highway. The chocolate eggs have been hidden, but a secret few will always remain behind the couch (yes, that’s why you have ants). The kids are on school holidays, but the kids are on school holidays.

Having the kids home can fill parents with a mix of joy (think – no school drop-offs, lazy mornings, fun time together) and dread (think – they are there ALL the time, I miss the peace and quiet of work). But, how often do we think of school holidays as a time to teach our kids new skills?

As a parent, you are always your child’s number one teacher! So now the school-bell has rung, it’s back to you to help give your child the skills they need to thrive. I’m not talking about teaching maths and history; I’m talking about teaching play.

Developing good play skills is essential for all children. Play is where we learn tolerance and problem solving, where we express our creativity and healthy competition, and where we develop friendships and explore relationships. While play skills come naturally to some, many children struggle to find their feet in the playground.

Working with children with autism and other social communication challenges, I spend a lot of time in schools teaching kids how to play with their peers. I can get the basics across with books and individual sessions, but the real learning happens out there in the field. You’ll find me hanging out in the sandpit, on the spider web, and at the oval (and yes, I have been told to sit out once before because of the no hat, not play rule). So, how can you get involved and help teach your child how to play this Easter holidays?

Step 1 – Release your inner kid

We all know that a group of adults and a group of children playing look like different species. If you’re going to help teach your child how to play, you need to find and release your inner child. A few key pointers to look out for – 1) kids don’t talk and explain themselves as much as adults, they just do stuff and get on with it, 2) kids lose themselves in the moment, they’re not pretending to be Spiderman, they are Spiderman, and 3) kids join in on play by announcing their role in the game, not by waiting to be given one (“I’m the postman!”).

If you’re still feeling stuck, take some time to watch how your child, their siblings, friends, and cousins interact when they’re playing.

Step 2 – Brush up on the games

I’m telling you, the field has changed. I’m sad to say, What’s the time Mr Wolf? is getting dusty, and Mr Freeze is the new cool kid on the block. Tiggy/tag and stuck-in-the-mud are still going strong (woohoo!). But, if you don’t know how to recreate a live action version of Minecraft, you’re going to struggle. I recently asked a group of kids to play Red Rover with me and only got blank stares back. Hiding my inner devastation, I took this as a challenge and taught them now to play it – within 10-minutes they had mastered it and I firmly believe their little futures are better for it!

Remember, the internet is a marvellous place where you can look up modern playground games – but this isn’t always necessary. The expert in your child’s playground is sitting right in front of you. Ask you kids what they play at school. If they’re not sure, ask their friends and cousins for some ideas.

Step 3 – Break it down

There are many skills involved in play – watch your child play and see if you can identify what skills they have, and what skills they are missing, to be successful in a particular game. For example, you can’t play tiggy/tag unless you can run – and even then, you’re always going to be “it” if you can’t run very fast, and that’s not so much fun. So if speed isn’t your little one’s strength, start off with some running races to help increase their gross motor skills and teach them how to sprint. Similarly, if you want to be the leader at Mr Freeze you’ll have to call out someone’s name, so if you’ve got a quiet talker, start by practicing using a loud voice by sending silly messages to one another across an oval/park.

One of the key skills to being successful in any game is actually just sticking around. If your little one is a bit of a wanderer and loses interest quickly, teach them how to stay with you for longer and longer. Create a clear play environment (e.g. the Lego mat or playdoh table) and alternate between play- and break-time, gradually increasing the duration of the playtime (e.g. 2-mins, 4-mins, 8-mins, 10-mins) and rewarding them for sticking with you with lots of fun and laughter.

Step 4 – Have fun, always

The take-away message when teaching children play skills is this: playing with others is fun! If they haven’t got that message, you haven’t taught play skills. We need children to absolutely love engaging with us when we’re playing with them, so they’ll want to spend time playing with their peers in the playground. Children’s games are incredibly fun – if you disagree, you just haven’t played them in too long! Lose yourself in the game and laugh along with them.

So while you’re sitting there on the Bruce Highway this Friday, chocolate eggs melting away in the boot, start up a game of Alphabet Number Plates or 20-Questions and enjoy the ride!

Grace works with children, adolescents, and adults at Benchmark Psychology. Grace has a special interest in supporting children with Autism Spectrum Disorders and their families. 

Benchmark Psychology just marked our three year anniversary.  As well as being a world class, evidence based psychology practice, we are also part of the Brisbane community.  We thought it would be a good time to reflect back, and see what we have been doing to service Brisbane these past few years.

Seminar series for other Brisbane psychologists

At Benchmark, we have run a monthly seminar series for both he public and for other psychologists. These seminars have covered a range of topics, from parenting advice, to dealing with schizophrenia. These have been well attended and shared valuable knowledge and skills.

Talks for schools in the greater Brisbane area

Psychologists at Benchmark have given talks to parents at kindies, primary and high schools in the public, private and catholic systems.  We have received fantastic feedback on these talks from parents. If you are interested in booking one of the Benchmark Psychologists for a school event, contact us.

Benchmarking data for other Brisbane psychologists

Benchmark Psychology is quite unique in that we collect exhaustive data on treatment outcomes and drop-out for all of our psychologists.  You can check out that data here. As well as being incredibly useful for us in our efforts to provide the best possible service, that data has been used by dozens of other Brisbane psychology practices.practices.  Have a look at our colleagues at Jumpstart Psychology, to see how our data is helping to improve outcomes for others.

Supervision of trainee psychologists

Benchmark Psychology has a number of accredited supervisors who provide supervision services to trainee psychologists from most of the major Brisbane universities. Our team of supervisors are highly regarded and get great feedback from their trainees.

We are proud of the work we do as psychologists, but we are also proud of the work we do building our Brisbane community.

Why not click here to learn more about our team

As a parent, supporting your child or teenager through mental health challenges can seem overwhelming. Many parents find themselves wondering – What do I do now? Who can help me?

What’s best for my child?

It’s good to know you’re not alone.

The Department of Health recently published a report on one of the largest national surveys ever taken on the mental health of young people. They asked parents what they found hard about getting help for their children and teens. One of the biggest worries parents had was not knowing where to turn.

So, how can you get help for your child?

1. Visit your doctor

GP’s and paediatricians are trained in recognising common mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, and substance use problems. Not only can your doctor give you advice on how to cope with some of these challenges, they can also refer you to a mental health professional in your area for more support if needed.

2. Find a mental health professional

Mental health professionals are experts trained in treating mental health challenges, and include psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, and others. These professionals will speak with you and your child to find out what challenges they are facing, help you to set a goal for therapy, create a personalised treatment plan, and monitor how therapy is going.

3. Talk to friends and family about how they accessed help

Asking your friends or family members about how they accessed help for their kids can be a great starting point. Our loved ones can point us towards people, services, and resources that helped them support their kids through a difficult period. You might even find that having a conversation with another parent going through similar struggles can help you feel more supported and less overwhelmed.

4. Get some tips online

If you want the best advice on the net – go straight to the experts. Websites like beyondblue.org.au, mindhealthconnect.org.au, and headspace.org.au are full of helpful strategies, resources, and information for parents and young people with mental health challenges.

5. Book an appointment with the school guidance counsellor

School guidance counsellors are another great starting point to get help for your child or teen. These counsellors may already have a relationship with your kid and can help them get support straight away, in the familiar school environment. They can also provide added support for school-related issues and can communicate with teaching staff to help your teen achieve in the classroom.

6. Log into therapy

Parents and young people can access evidence-based support from the home computer. Computer-based therapy programs are now available to help young people manage anxiety, depression, mood problems, and odd experiences, as well as build resilience, study skills, and much more.

What about #6: Log into therapy? Have you ever heard about logging into therapy as a way to get help for your child?

Even though we’re all pretty switched on when it comes to technology, most parents don’t know that Australia has access to some of the best computer-based therapies for young people in the world.

A team of researchers at Griffith University and the University of Southern Queensland are trying hard to fix this. Their first challenge is to find out what parents think about computer-based therapies.

What do you think about using technology in therapy? Have you ever heard of a computer-based therapy program? Do you think they could help your kid? Why did you choose face-to-face therapy instead? We want your answers!

Want to find out more about the Department of Health report? Go to:

http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/mental-pubs-m-child2

This blog began as a marketing exercise, as part getting to know what resources were available for mental health I began looking at online self help forums through Facebook, message boards and the like.

The breadth and diversity of self help forums for children; giftedness, autism, behavioural disorders, and many more overwhelmed me. These forums are incredibly vibrant, moderated by volunteers, with hundreds of enthusiastic contributors and readers. Most of the forums are virtually absent of any form of trolling, and with a topic as contentious as parenting even the disagreements are rare and mostly managed politely. It really did open my eyes to how effectively social media at its best can be used to support mental health.

Then I turned my attention to adult self help forums, and was stunned by how scarce they are and even the ones that do exist were so much quieter than what I had seen earlier. It was heart breaking to read one forum where a man was posting his increasingly distressed and unhappy thoughts over a series of months and receiving nothing but Internet silence in reply. I can only begin to imagine how this silence must have felt to him in what I can only assume was one of the lowest points of his life.

This got me to thinking about the differences between kids and adults. As a child, ideally there is always someone who has their out for you. Parents, grandparents, teachers, siblings all play a role in making sure both the physical but also emotional needs of the child are looked after. Last week my daughter told my wife that an older girl had accidentally walked in on her at the school toilet and she had felt embarrassed. Now she doesn’t want to go to the school toilets anymore. Our response was immediate. We had a big chat to her about it, gave her some encouragement, talked to her school teacher, and one of the teacher aides agreed to take her to the toilet the next day before lunch to get her used to it again. In a perfect world, all children would have multiple people in their lives who are looking out for them to make sure they are ok.

But as an adult who is there looking after your problems?

“I’ve noticed its been a few weeks since you went to the gym, are you feeling ok ?”

“Every time we have to have a staff meeting you get sick and have to go home, are you ok ?”

“We all used to drink too much when we were teenagers, but you are still doing it, are you ok?”

Today is international suicide prevention day, as well as being Are you Ok day. If you ever felt like you needed permission to ask a friend or a colleague “are you ok?” then today is it.

Mental health professionals help people everyday who haven’t been able to figure things out for themselves. There is an old saying “you cant solve a problem with the same brain that created the it”, sometimes it really is as simple as getting another person’s opinion. When a tooth hurts, no one expects you to drill it yourself, when your throat hurts, no one expects you to decide for yourself whether you need antibiotics or just time and rest, yet when your emotions hurt, or your behaviours hurt, it is like we expect people to figure things out for themselves.

There are a lot of trained professional in medical, psychological, and family practices all around the country. If you ask someone today if they are ok and the answer is no, there is no shortage of places to turn for help.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by how much 'stuff' you've got to deal with in life? Too many bills and bank statements, too many jobs to get done, too many appointments, too many appliances or devices that keep needing to be fixed or replaced every few years, too many clothes (most of which you don't wear)? If you're like most people, you're looking for the quickest way to regain control of your life and find some peace and quiet.

I've begun reading the book 'The Joy of Less: A Minimalist Living Guide' by Francine Jay. The book claims that it'll help me get rid of unnecessary stuff and clutter in my life so I'll have more 'space' to function. Francine Jay also believes that having less stuff will make you happier.

The interesting thing is that rather than being a 'how to' manual, this book is more like a philosophical textbook, as the author describes the true costs and value of spending habits and behaviours. In fact, at least a third of the book is devoted to examining beliefs and attitudes about possessions and doesn't offer any any practical advice at all! Here's a sample.

"What if I told you that having less stuff could make you a happier person? It sounds a bit crazy, doesn't it? That's because every day, and everywhere we turn, we receive thousands of messages to the contrary: buy this, and you'll be prettier; own this, and you'll be more successful; acquire this, and your happiness will know no bounds.

Well, we've bought this, that, and the other thing. So we must be in seventh heaven, right? For most of us, the answer is “no”. In fact, quite often, the opposite is true: many of the items, and the empty promises, are slowly sucking the money out of our pockets, the magic out of our relationships, and the joy out of our lives."

So, why would a book about getting rid of your stuff spend so much time talking about attitudes and beliefs rather than just getting to the point and telling me how to get rid of my junk?

This investigation of attitudes is essential for regaining control of your stuff. It's also a central part of psychological therapy, and something that I work through with clients all the time when dealing with a range of different problems, including depression, anxiety, anger, and addiction.

So what attitude is necessary to declutter your life? Most people don't take into account the true cost of acquiring and owning things – the cost of storage and maintenance, the cost on our stress levels (and how that will influence our relationships), and the lost opportunity cost. Instead, we usually only think about how much money something costs and how much happier we think we'll be once we own it.

We also need to appreciate things for what they are. Objects don't change who you are and they won't make you happier – you are you, and things are things. Although on a certain level we know that what we own won't make us any happier, we get tricked in to thinking this way all the time.

It is important to consider the problem of your own consumerism in detail, examining your attitudes from all angles before trying to do anything practical. This will get to the root of the problem, rather that offering superficial advice or tricks to try and fix everything as quickly as possible.

The main aim of 'The Joy of Less' is to help people re-evaluate how they think about possessions, and I think it's a great book that will help you get back in control your stuff. However, the way the author talks about change applies to other things as well and reflects the an important psychological principle that I discuss with clients every day: sustainable change depends on a thorough understanding of the problem before attempting to do something about it.

Here's four steps to help you declutter your life.

1. What do you gain by doing things the way that you're currently doing them? What are the deeper reasons behind your current behaviour? For example, you may find that you can't bear to throw away that heirloom because you're worried about what your family will say. Or maybe you're often arguing with your partner because you're stressed about other things and haven't developed effective strategies for dealing with stress.
2. Work out the true cost of not changing. What are the long term costs to your relationships, your stress levels, your health, and your ability to fulfil your purpose in life? Don't just think about the money and time cost.
3. Be prepared for the pain of change and focus on the goal. Acknowledge that change will be difficult and unpleasant in the short term, but have a clear idea of what you want to achieve and why. This could be as simple as a having a written statement or mantra that you can use to remind you of your goals, such as “I know it'll be hard, but I'm not going to get frustrated by traffic today because it'll just make me feel more angry and my frustration won't fix anything.”
4. Go small. Big changes usually aren't sustainable and are more difficult to achieve. Start making small changes that will give you a high chance of succeeding. Once you've succeeded with a small goal, you'll feel positive and energized to tackle the next milestone.

"Decluttering is like dieting. We can jump right in, count our possessions like we count calories, and “starve” ourselves to get fast results. All to often, however, we'll end up feeling deprived, go on a binge, and wind up right back where we started. First, we have to change our attitudes and our habits... Instead of being a short-term fix, it'll be a long-term commitment to a new, wonderful way of life."